Thank you so much for writing this piece. This is such a great articulation of what grief feels like. I recognized so much of myself in what you wrote.

I’ve recently joined the ranks of other grievers, having suddenly lost a loved one myself at the end of August. I’ve found myself obsessing over my memories, and it feels like my brain is worried that unless I obsess, I’ll forget them along with him. Though I’ve been able to rebuild my routine, I still sometimes feel like if I move forward, I’ll lose even more of him.

Grief is one of the most visceral emotions I’ve ever felt. It’s as if Grief takes over and I’m subjected to its unpredictable and forceful whims.

Some advice I received early on was to replace the wallpaper on my phone with a happy photo of us so that it would eventually balance out the memories at the the hospital, where I was speaking and unsure if he could hear me, or even know if I was there.

It’s helped some days, and other days it’s acted like a trigger for more sadness and grief.

There’s no way around grief. The only way seems to be through it. And it is violent and unpredictable and exhausting and limiting. We must be kind and gentle with ourselves.